Taking the p**s!

No, I'm not being rude, it's what's just happened.  I went to the doggie doctor yesterday for my annual physical - I'm in excellent shape for an old man, a bit of arthritis and wobbly legs but nothing unexpected in a 12 year old Lab.

Anyway, back to the story... the vet wanted a pee sample.  I like my privacy when doing my business. Picture the scene... every time I go to cock my leg my human appears with a jar.  I move on, she follows... this goes on for some time... round and round the garden, in the melting snow... until I give in and just have to go... out comes the pot, out comes the pee - over her hand, shoes and pants, and a little in the pot :-)

Snow Day

I'm officially declaring myself too old to enjoy snow days.  A few centimeters is fine but when it comes up to my chin it's too much for me now.  I used to love frolicking in deep snow. Now my legs aren't strong enough to get me through the deep stuff.  It's a sad day for us.  Thankfully my hoomin has cleared a 'piddle pad' for me so my bits aren't buried in the snow.  

Polar Vortex

Polar vortex are two words I never want to hear in a weather forecast ever again.  My ancestors may originate from Labrador but a century of English breeding means I'm designed for a wet, windy, and relatively mild climate, not the deep freeze I've been living in for the past few weeks.  I may have a fur coat but it's just not thick enough for -17oC.  On the plus side I've had wonderful fluffy snow to play in, I get my feet washed and lotion applied after every walk (the salt hurts my little paws) and the log fire has been burning constantly with my bed strategically place right next to it. 

Say A Little Prayer

Thinking of my buddy, and occasional house guest, Cacique who is having a big operation tomorrow to remove a tumour the size of a grapefruit from his liver.  Hang in there mate.  Hope to see you soon.

Meet The Neighbours

I've got some new neighbours.  The human's of dear departed Roxy have rescued an English Foxhound called Henry.  I haven't met him yet but I've sniffed him through the fence.  My human took him some rather nice smelling treats and a tug toy.  I hope he liked them because I know I would have.

We've got a puppy across the street.  She's called Hazel is about 10 weeks old now.  She is beeeeeautiful!  We've met her a few times now although Misty is banned from saying hello to other dogs because she is so grumpy.  Don't tell her but I know she's starting basic training boot camp in a few weeks.  Ha, that should whip her into shape.  I still love having her around, I can get away with anything and she gets the blame.

Freedom

Freedom at last!  The human has stopped moaning about her foot and finally started taking us out.  Talk about slooooow.  I'm supposed to the pensioner yet I'm the one waiting for her.  To be fair her foot did look pretty horrible for a while.  I've nibbled on road kill that has looked more alive than her bruised swollen ankle.  The important thing is we have our freedom but it's a bit too hot and humid to enjoy it at the moment.

If I'd have written this yesterday I would have been singing Misty's praises, no dustbin foraging, no chewing, working on her squirrel addiction... but she blew all her brownie points today.  Not only did she wee on the carpet she grumped at a sweet young dog who was so excited to see us.  She really is quite scary when she gets going.  I don't think the human is ever going to get the smell of wee out of the carpet.  She's lucky her nose isn't as sensitive as mine - I don't need to sniff the carpet to tell where it is. 

Prison

Day 3 of incarceration.  Three days of being confined to the back garden.  Three days without a walk.  Three days of being locked up without a trial or any charges being brought.  Three days of poop!  You can't keep us confined like this.  But you can keep the guilt treats coming, I like the guilt treats.  And it is pretty cool having the human home all day but I need my walks.  I miss the fire hydrant at the end of the street.  I miss stopping at every tree, every lamp post and every road sign to eek out that last drop of wee.  To show the neighbourhood dogs I'm still here, still doing my thing.

Me and the other inmate have hatched a plan.  Misty started digging for freedom today but the silly human mistook it for Misty digging up the tomato plants.  The human now keeps a close eye on the new girl allowing me to sneak away to work on the real tunnel.  We need a plan to get rid of the soil though, the pile is getting quite big.  If I hand trousers I could fill the legs and casually re-distribute it around the garden - I think the human would notice me wearing pants, especially when it's 30oC.  At current rates we should be out next Tuesday.  I hope Misty can keep to the game plan that long.  I have my doubts, she seems to like the human far too much....

Klutz Update

I may have been a little harsh on the human yesterday.  She's now on crutches and in a splint.  Maybe she wasn't being lazy after all.  She better get back on her feet soon, the yard is filling with poop at an alarming rate.  Maybe it's all those guilt treats she keeps giving us.

Misty needs to learn to chill a bit more

Klutz

What kind of klutz manages to sprain their ankle playing golf?  My human that's who!  Talk about irresponsible.  It's golf.  You stand still to hit the ball, how can that result in injury?  How am I supposed to show Misty round the neighbourhood and laugh at her trying to chase squirrels when the human is laid up icing her ankle.  I know she has fat ankles but this one resembles a bruised grapefruit.  She is so selfish, sitting around complaining it hurts instead of taking us out.  It's a good job we have a nice big garden to wander around in.  She'll need to do a serious amount of poop patrol when she's better.  

Misty likes lazy afternoons

My Hero

We met Jack on our walk tonight.  Jack is an arse!  And his human isn't much better.  Where I come from, if you don't want to meet another dog you politely pull off the path and wait for the other dog to pass.  Not so with Jack.  His human let him come barreling  towards us, where he did his usual and jumped on me.  Being the old dog I am I collapsed under 35 kilos of fur-ball.  Misty was having none of it and jumped to my rescue giving Jack the worst telling off of his life.  To tell you the truth she scared the hebegebees out of me.  She's so quiet at home, I didn't know she had it in her.  I don't care that a girl came to my rescue, she's my hero.  I might even let her have the best bed tonight as a thank you.    

It's all about Misty

Misty has been a good girl this week.  She only knocked the bin over once... notice I said knocked over as apposed to raided, I'm sure it was an accident, she couldn't possibly be looking for food, there's no way she could be hungry with the amount of food she eats.  I would definitely say she's settled in.  She's a bit clingy for my liking, always following my human around but she's quiet, doesn't bother me and is learning not to eat my food - although it kills her to look at my full dish when she's scoffed all her food. 

I'm a bit jealous, she got to go to another human's house on Friday.  The upside was I got to eat my treats without a big slobby dog getting in my face and stealing my stuff.  But still I was a little peeved she got to go and I didn't.  She still has some learning to do though.  First rule of going to another human house: don't run into the kitchen and counter surf... so uncool.  Say hi to everyone, settle down, look cute and the treats will come to you, that's how I roll. 

Mirror Image - I'm on the right

Grumpy

Poor Misty came face to face with grumpy human the other night.  It wasn't her fault, nor was it mine.  I've never liked storms but since I started going deaf they don't bother me the same now.  This one was really loud, with lots of lightening and loads of rain.  It was so loud even I could hear it, well I heard the tornado warning on the telly, so I sought comfort with my human... by trying to climb on her head.  Misty isn't a great fan of thunder either and she was trying to hide under my human's shirt, which she was wearing at the time.  Unfortunately the human was preoccupied trying to move furniture and carpet and mop up a growing pool of water that was seeping in from the garden that was quickly turning into a swimming pool  She didn't see our close presence as being all that helpful and got a bit cross with us. 

Luckily both the storm and the grumpiness were short lived and we got loads of make-up treats and ear rubs.  No real damage to the house although my favourite room resembles a junk shop with furniture and carpet piled in the middle.  Even my bed was relocated to higher ground.  I'm glad I brought my toys in earlier - poor bunny would have been washed away. 

We have another round of storms coming tonight and tomorrow.  The human has been busy in the garden building what looks like something from a Heath Robinson cartoon.  She is confident it will keep the water out this time, and if not she bought a wet vac and a large bottle of gin.  I guess if her contraption doesn't work she'll give up, drink the gin and deal with it later.  Just as a precaution I'm going to move my toys upstairs... you know, just for their own safety.